Anticipating Impending Disaster

I'm in a weird place right now. It's like disaster is looming or waiting for me around the bend. I know it's there. I know it's going to happen sooner or later. The weird thing is I don't know why I won't (or just don't want to) stop in my tracks or just turn at a different corner. I know it's there but I'm still walking towards it.

I've always believed that self-preservation is the key. I've always kept myself a step away, in a bubble behind the so-called wall. This is the exact reason why I now find myself in a strange situation. I've never been here before. Actively seeking or knowingly walking towards what I know in my gut is disaster.

As them wise folk say, I'll just hope for the best and expect what's about to come.

Perspective

For the past few weeks, I've been listing things I miss from home that in a few days I'll be able to indulge myself in again after almost a year of missing out. This got me thinking for a moment there that what if I just stayed home and not come back. I wouldn't have to miss all that's on the list since I'd be able to indulge myself everyday. How wicked would that be???

But then again, because of my love for looking at every situation from a different perspective, I started making a new list. A list of stuff from here that I'd truly miss if I just stayed back there. I think it's cool how this new list is much, much longer than I expected it to be, heaps shorter than the first one but long enough.

The actual act of making both lists made me appreciate all the people and things I have that I just took for granted, both here and there. I guess this whole process just made me a little bit happier and grateful at the thought of going home and coming back.

20 Some Odd Days and Counting...

Well, I'm going home back to the place where I belong

And where your love has always been enough for me

I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong

I don't regret this life I chose for me

-Home by Daughtry

The countdown has begun. In a little over three weeks, I will be going home to visit my family and friends. I'm soo excited! I just keep thinking of all that food I've been missing, coffee that's not Gloria Jean's (hahaha), chocnut, sinigang, inihaw, Chicken Joy, Chowking, Pancake House, Teriyaki Boy, the list is endless! And all the places I want to be at, not just see. It's also exciting to think about seeing the changes that have happened in the past 11 months while I was away.

But there's this little voice inside me saying I'm not the same person as I was then, and everyone else isn't the same either. So if they were friends with that me then, would they still like this me now? I know it's pretty weird. But given my pessimistic view of friendships and relationships, to borrow a line from Carrie Bradshaw: I just can't help but wonder... After a moment's pause, I reckon if we were real friends I'd love them for who they are now and not dwell on who they were then, and hopefully vice versa.

Shoutout: I hope to see y'all on my birthday, give or take a few days. Can't wait to be home.

My Current Soundtrack

I always think that in every phase or situation in my life, there will inevitably be a song that I am able to relate to that serves as the soundtrack to that phase, as long or as brief as it may be. Right now, this is the song:

Lost and Running

by Powderfinger

I was sick and tired of waiting lost

You were mad at me for so much more

I was bored listening to the same old chords

You would complain that I was never around

And we shouldn't hope, no we shouldn't hope

If love was so easy, then why am I stuck

If life was so smooth, why can't I get enough

I'm still lost and running, I can't get enough

Everyday moves like a hurricane

It's dragging me around no matter what I say

Night time in the city streets I'm out of luck

The cobblestones are dark and wet, there's no one I trust

And it comes around, yeah it comes around

Mr. So Easy say where have you gone

I'm looking for somewhere that I can lay down my arms

I'm still lost and running, I can't get enough

I'm taking my time I'll let it float away

Spare me no lies and you'll have nothing to say

The further we slip into this rabbit hole

The harder we look for a new place to go

I'm still lost and running, I can't get enough

yun lang po...

I Got A BooBoo!

Three weeks ago, at four o'clock in the morning, my housemates, a few other friends and I decided to go to the park near our house to walk the dogs, play in the playground and kick an Australian rules football around. As most of us all heard in the past, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Unfortunately, that someone that night just so happened to be me.

I was on the swing, trying to relive my childhood and go as high as I possibly can. And of course, when one goes as high as one possibly could the only logical thing to do at four o'clock in the morning is to jump of the swing, right? So I did. The only thing I forgot to do is check if all my body parts would come with me as I try for a brief moment to soar across the vast nothingness, also known as the 3 feet of space directly in front of the swing.

Alas! (hahaha) I jumped off only to realize while I was in mid-air that the little finger in my right hand was stuck in one of the links of the chain. Thus, my so called booboo. Oops! Because of that eventful night, I now have to wear a splint on my finger for the next four weeks as I almost broke my finger. Doctors say and x-rays show that I successfully ruptured my tendons and fractured the middle bone on my finger diagonally and the two halves of that bone are connected by a very thin piece of bone. Thankfully, because the doctor said if that connection wasn't there I'd have to get screws through the pieces to hold my finger together.

Oh well! At least I had a blast, right? So at night before you sleep, when you ask whoever your soul to keep, give a shoutout for my booboo that it'll be better soon. =D

Sydney Baby!

I'm in Sydney!!! Yipee!!!

As I've done numerous times while back home, visiting different parts of the country and discovering what other cities have to offer is always a very interesting experience, not to mention a whole lot of fun! Having been in Perth for almost nine months now, it was awesome to be able to see and walk the streets of a new city, visit and catch up with a lot of old friends and of course, be able to speak Filipino and having people understand what the hell I was saying. (Not that I speak a lot of Filipino when no one understands me, that would be weird. hehe =D)

But as with every situation life puts all of us in, there are pros and cons. I've always been jealous of my friends being all together in Sydney and still being able to just hang out at each other's houses whenever they want. On one hand, I think it would be great to be a part of that and just still hang on to some of my creature comforts. It would be amazing to have my friends around every time I get a little homesick or eat Filipino food from that take-away store everyday.

But I realized, on the other hand, I wouldn't have needed to make friends with the ones I have in Perth, and they are wonderful people. I wouldn't have been able to experience their way of life, which in some ways are same as mine used to be but in a lot of ways different as well. And I think I wouldn't want to miss out on that.

I guess being able to recognize the what ifs, as well as accept and be happy with the what is, makes living my life a lot easier and a lot less stressful. =D

**Shoutout! Thanks Jack and Kim for letting me stay in your home!